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A stranger prompted this response/update

A young woman at another website emailed me about how I was doing with my own mother's death. She lost her mother to incredible circumstances this past December. I won't fill in her story. It's hers to share.

... this is an incredible story. And a very sad ending.

Please try not to be upset with yourself as much as you feel that regret for going home.

I have many regrets during taking care of my mother, yet I know rationally that I would have to be a superhuman to accomplish all of them.

You asked in an email how am I doing with my own mother's death:

April 8 marked nine months since my mom died.

I really miss her. Yet I"m not so melancholy about it today. Not sure what all has happened. A combination of things: I've been really busy; I've taken on some of her rituals; I'm participating in an online support group: http://www.cancercare.org; she's in my dreams all the time - sometimes with a message other times simply there. My dad is in my dreams a lot more these days. He died Jan. 7, 1984.

One thing is for sure: I haven't cried enough. Crying is difficult for me. Most times, I feel ready to burst with sobbing in public or talking to someone; then when I'm alone, I can't force the tears to come. It's so weird.
Life-long issue, which is far better than when I was younger.

It hasn't been long for you. Your feelings are still very raw. Treat yourself to nice things. And try to keep those guilt feelings away. You need to be good to yourself.

Thanks for prompting me to write.

ellie

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