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the great leap ... into where?

what kind of hell am i living in?

i'm trying to be true to myself and to others,
but sometimes it apparently backfires.

i know that being oneself --
not what others want you to be --
does not always gain popularity.

but what if you disgrace yourself in public
because of being true to yourself?

maybe i need to know boundaries better.


maybe i'm simply too overloaded
with responsibilities
and not nearly enough grieving
to keep needed boundaries in focus.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 8th, 2005 07:36 pm (UTC)
I think your last paragraph is right on the mark. I've come to learn that not allowing myself necessary grief tears me apart. Blurs boundaries and "centers". I hope you find a way to give yourself enough grieving time and space.
Jul. 9th, 2005 04:32 am (UTC)
Thank you, M.

I try to, but my love has a very difficult time with it. If I could get him out of the house for part of a day, it could help.

Oh, I could try it with him here, but he would try to comfort me -- a very heartful man -- but when I cry I guess I need to be by myself. That doesn't seem entirely true.
Jul. 8th, 2005 08:53 pm (UTC)
I vote for the being overloaded and not grieving enough scenerio.
*sits down in rocking chair and pulls you into my lap and hugs you and rocks you*
And if that isn't totally it, I still understand, I'm not always really good about boundaries myself. And to me, the boundary that I always try to maintain is that of being true to myself as long as it doesn't cause others too much discomfort unless it's absolutely needed. Basically this means stuff like if I know I'm going to have a total bout of bawling and I'm on public transportation, I'll try and get off until I've recovered.
Jul. 9th, 2005 04:33 am (UTC)
You hit it right.

It's what's needed.

Jul. 9th, 2005 09:46 pm (UTC)
*huggs you tight*

you alright?
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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