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July 8, 2006




Mom at cousin's wedding, 1989 Mom at cousin's wedding, 1989


Saturday, just after the noon hour,
my mother died most peacefully.

Her path was several days,
with heart-felt good-byes,
love, surrounded by my sister,
my husband, me and many
wonderful nurses and caregivers.

Her last 10 hours on this earth
were unmedicated, except for
strong expectorant drops by mouth
every six hours.

No morphine, no Adavan.

What a wonderful way to end her life.

I can't believe how calm she was ...
yes, she was between worlds
and non-responsive most of her last day
but how calm, peaceful, strong she was.

I thought I was ready for her to die,
but I still want to cuddle up beside her,
to play, be silly and talk.

My sister, my husband and I did an all-night vigil
by her side, waiting for the moment to arrive.

It didn't come.
In the morning, we went home to get sleep,
and she left us.

Like many people, she chose to die alone.

-------

Now the next phase begins, sans break.

Dealing with dividing her estate.
I'm not looking forward to this.
There will be battles I don't wish to be a part.
The battles have begun.
I wish everyone could be civil and far less selfish.
I'm just too exhausted for all of this.

Thank god I learned so much about estates
in these past three years. I can help my family
understand what's really important.

God, may they listen.

-------

Thank you to everyone who has given wishes of strength and peace and love.

I hope to respond to each of you at some point.
Love, Nancy

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Comments

( 15 comments — Leave a comment )
gracegiver
Jul. 13th, 2006 03:46 am (UTC)
Thank you, Nancy. Thank you for letting us be a part. That's a beautiful picture of your mom. She looks determined.
lost_tumbleweed
Jul. 13th, 2006 03:54 am (UTC)
Thank you, D'.

My mother was a passionate person.

I always thought of her as invincible.
Her energy level was so far above everyone else's.
And it was rare when she got sick.

She is a treasure now gone to her next level of existence.
girl_next_dork
Jul. 13th, 2006 03:59 am (UTC)
*Hug*

Let us know if you need anything, okay?
lost_tumbleweed
Jul. 13th, 2006 04:41 am (UTC)
positive energy sent my way.

this next stage is going to be quite rough.

nice photo, C'. ;-}
watashi
Jul. 13th, 2006 02:09 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm really glad she was able to move on so peacefully. *hugs*
lost_tumbleweed
Jul. 22nd, 2006 09:25 pm (UTC)
Thank you, watashi.

It's very surreal right now.

Thank you for the hugs, too.

:)
wisdom_seeker
Jul. 13th, 2006 10:55 pm (UTC)
There's nothing to say but what watashi said. My thoughts are with you.
lost_tumbleweed
Jul. 22nd, 2006 09:26 pm (UTC)
Thank you wisdom_seeker. :)
i_dread
Jul. 14th, 2006 06:57 am (UTC)
hugs:::::::
lost_tumbleweed
Jul. 22nd, 2006 09:27 pm (UTC)
:: hugs :: back atcha, Guy.

You are a good man with a big heart.
huggscancer
Jul. 14th, 2006 09:55 am (UTC)
she was a beautiful woman

im glad you all were there with her

how are you doing? are you alright?

ive been thinking about you and wondering what was going on

hang in there.

loves lots

*huggles tight*
lost_tumbleweed
Jul. 22nd, 2006 09:29 pm (UTC)
Thank you, huggs'.

I've been running like crazy and out of town for Mom's memorial.

Am going to try to post a quick update.

Right now, I'm doing all right.
huggscancer
Jul. 22nd, 2006 10:09 pm (UTC)
*huggles*
glad to hear your doing alright

loves
wiegee
Jul. 17th, 2006 03:39 am (UTC)
I'm sorry
Nancy:

We've been out of town and I only just now found out. I'm so sorry. I remember you talked about her a lot and I remember you devoting so much of your time and yourself to helping her. I know you love her so much. Please let me know if I can be of any use. I miss you.
lost_tumbleweed
Jul. 22nd, 2006 09:37 pm (UTC)
Re: I'm sorry
Thank you, B', for your thoughts and your offer of support.

Just being a friend is wonderful support.

Don't worry about just finding out, 'cause you were out of town. I was out of town when Gretchen F.'s (sports dept.) dad died a month ago. I've felt a kinship with her since I started working at the newspaper, though we don't hang out. We've gotten together a handful of times in 18 years. Yet, she's someone I feel affection for. It was hard to learn her dad died ... and then before I could blink my own mother started her dying process. Perhaps we could lean on each other through the grieving.

I hope you're doing well. I thought I read of good things in your own journal. It's been awhile. Also, I hear Garrison left Lansing. The two-year man. He probably has the right strategy.

Peace, B.

Nancy
( 15 comments — Leave a comment )

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